That thing you call Age

How old are you?
I was often ask this question, i know i don't quite look my age, they said i look younger wahahah. But really, is there anything i should be conscious about my age? Im 28 so wut? atleast ppl claim i look like 22 (wahahah for the win!)..
I have never been more concerned about ageing until recently, and to be honest i nvr wished so much to be younger until last Month..
Okay, so it was my choice after all being in the middle of this dilemna. I have my way out and no one is deliberately keeping me in, but heres the catch, i chose to stay, even at the fear of wuth things may bring behind the bliss of a relationship with a generation gap.
Defining age had not been very frustrating for me since then, but, i remain hopeful and positive believing that happiness might be really on its way even if its 7 yrs behind.
Crossing my fingers ..

Play AruaRose

Yes!

PLAY my Game, I have been a long running player of one of the most stable Rose Online International Private Server, ARUAROSE..

Been there since the High Rate (Hebarn) Server opened and am still there, some people already quitted and i remain standing there.. whoa, Arua if Fun, believe me i have tried laying other servers and its just nothing compared to how Arua is.. the dedication of the Staff to improving the server is immesurable, the number of players is quite unbelievable..

Come Halloween, everyone is expecting a new patch, as it equates, new patch = better reason to play arua, new patch = new excitement.

I myself have been enjoying it, but like real life, you need to work on harder to get what you want ingame. To gain something out the available reasources ingame is one thing im good at, farming. Thats the way to make money and to get the gears you desire for your Job, by the way im a Full time Cleric.. my name game is xHiRaIa, and i belong to the Best (its overrated in know muwahahah) clan in the Server..

my aruarose character (xHiRaIa) with her leet clan: DontEvenTrip

Play AruaRose now, and see me ingame, let;s have fun, destress and meet new friends be a part of the world's most loved game, RoseOnline.

Click here to Register to AruaRose.

Back

Im back :D

After a long hibernation from blogging i guess im ready to write again, been quite some time since i last wrote sumthing here and i missed it for real. A lot things happened in the past months, i dunno why i prefer to be silent and all, not my usual behavior when im extremely lonely. Well, not that i am already recovered or so, but i guess i have more than recuperated from the fact that some things in my life cant really go the way i want it to be.

There had been disputes in Arua that broke my heart, i left Rewind and joined a Pinoy clan, got more annoyed at how things were going around and of the rumors i heard, i joined DET out of nothing and immediately got invited the next day..I stopped farming and im terribly missing it so once in a while i farm charms too, check on Kera but i never farms the other Bosses, i have completed all the factions sets and sold most of them, i already earned pretty big money from being actively doing quests, running here and there waiting for shouts. I made a new cleric as per Jayt's advice, a dex cleric for that matter, unfortunately until now she reamain in 208Lvl.. i was trying to level Todd too but when the new cleric starts soloing in prison i stopped party i reserved Todd for Marsh of Ghost.

Edwin stopped farming a few days before his birthday, he left me, things have changed now, or he changed and that totally broke my heart. Everything that i am now is just what left of somebody desperately trying to forget him. And im not having a great time. And im not doing good because im still crazy missing him.
DET is fun more than i thought, but Rewind remains the best for me, i had the best of everything in Rewind, but well, it never ended well for me. DET promises better tho, nicer clanmates, Leet people from different parts of the world, Life seems easier with DET, i was a lot appreciated. The people i used to aaoid during farming is in the same house as my new cleric now. Jayt is cooler than i thought and the rest of the people more friendly than i expected.

the new hira

Im actually close to hibernation, i have sold almost all the sets, the raiders and the scout and all chrs edwin and i made are on the full stop now, i sold everything i have and left only the set for the cleric, the AAW which i treaeure so much might bne disposed off too, dunno yet but until everything is cleared then i might have to finalize my decisions when to give it up. After all i can always find a better wing should i decide to go addictus again.

ROHAN

I hated hearing this game in the first place, its the game that took my clanmates away, hmmp! But i gave a second thought, there might be sumthing in Rohan thats really nicer than what Rose have, after all, if most people in rewind loved it, why cant I? So i Dled Rohan, after 3 tries i made it 6 hours WTF but i made it finally. i spent 4 hours of a day on Rohan, i enjoyed it, i was not rushing as i want to be familiarized with it, i wont leave myself any question since im a noob in that game, I was happy with the result, its not as hard to play like Perfect World. Honestly i enjoyed it.However my friends cant play it, Edwin cant play it and i guess even if he can he wont. Lalaine too, and Myra.. So its not nice at all for me to learn that i will be leaving them in Rose alone, i Stoped Rohan at level 13, and i will continue it once Edwin, lalaine and myra decides to play too, until then, i either quit or lay low playing rose. But i kept Rohan waiting, after all its closed Beta, and things will still change once its officially turned over to market for business.

I still recommend Rohan its nice, graphics and gameplay are amazing :: www.playrohan.com

heres a pic of my avatars in Rohan :D

Ofcourse, Hiraia will continue living here <3

Accidentally Sent

I dont mean to i swear its sitting in my drafts folder for almost 2 weeks when i reopen my mails and breeze through it and boom what the heck did gmail do ? i sent it? OMFG. Honestly, after realizing the biggest mistake i did i feel like blowing my head off, i want to die, its so humiliating omg! omg! omg! omg!
Well, i stood still in composure but deep inside i wanted to drown from where im standing, then finally out of courage i txted him about my mistake. And he read it, yeah, i dunno how he reacted to that but maybe just laugh at it, i guess he wont believe it anyway.
But its true, no matter how funny and how impossible it seems to him, theres nothing in that letter but pure love and honesty..
Heres how it goes..

28 years of my life and im doing for the first time, yeah never realized that i would come to the point of writting this, but i know i have to do this for myself, anyhow much shame on me bec i know this will stay in drafts forever but somehow i just want to tell you your real position in my life..

I got no idea how to say it right, but i know it is as pointless as keeping it unsaid bec i know very well that you dont love me back. I know i should not be telling you how much you mean to me and i know then again you will equate this girl to stupidity for loving someone she dont even know in reality. It is not easy to betray your own reasoning your own liking and what your heart tells you, allthemore it is not easy to feel the silent rejection, bec its more painful than the brokenheart i had from my past relationship.

I know what you're thinking about me but let me correct something, Men, they come and go in my life and some dont even make impressions to be atleast remembered. Im not desperate and i can live without men to look after me.If you wanna learn the truth, XXXXXXX (edited) i tried to be his girlfriend, and i did, and im good at keeping my obligations. I needed him, but i did not use him to get over with Macky, maybe yes i cared for him. But between you two it was far beyond compare.

Enough defending myself as it wont change anything..

True that i dont intend to be hurt again, but im old enough at this to realize that when you love someone you give them the ultimate right to hurt you, i think thats given. For some reason i cant remember exactly when u started to hurt me err (rephrase) For some reason i cant remember exactly when i started to love you.

Im sorry Edwin bec i loved you when i should not have, bec i loved you when you were just good to me, bec i loved you when i know u cant love me back, bec i love you when you can never ever be mine. But im okay i am strong right? And bec i love you i want to hear good things from you, i want you to move on from your brokenheart, i want you to live a happy and good life. Yes, It will hurt me to know that you love someone else, but then again pain would be temporary, bec i love you i want to know that you are happy.Believe me bec its true when i say that I have never loved someone selflessly as much i do to you, not with Neil, not even with Macky.

Men come and go in my life, You will remain here, you taught me so many things i never learned from my past relationship, you never seize to amaze me with your wit, you are one of the kindest heart ive come to know,and i always look up to you, i always follow you, not bec i love you, but bec you're just one great person who deserves much respect and love more than you thought you do.

Dont think that i expect you to love me back bec i dont,im too old to live in fancy, edwin will never ever love me, and it hurts but i accepted that already. Someday my feelings will change into something, someday i will love someone else, but i wont rest till i know you are already happy, bec i will never ever get tired of caring for you Edwin.

Someday i will laugh reading this letter, maybe just smile at the taught i once loved you. When that time comes, i hope we are both contented and happy with our lives.

I love Edwin Sing Tan - Thats one thing permanently added to my lifes story. Something that will always remain a part of me.

sorry better luck next mail wahahah .. ^__^

Rewind Plsss..

Ive been in rewind for a long time now and i miss my friends so much, i have to admit Rewind is dying but me and Mina are doing the best to keep it alive, xRewind is grade 5 now, its quite an accomplishment for me as i put too much in upgrading it from 5k clanpoints up to 75k cp, was never absent a single farming day, always at command always the one deciding where to go who to kill, who to call, when to begin, where to stop, it was tiring yes, but it was fun more than all other things i have in my shoulders. Keeping both clans active is hard, and keeping the reputation is as even harder than keeping the Rewind culture alive if the masters that set the standards are away. I long to see Rewind alive and strong even after i quit but i have a hunch that if mina and i lax, rewind will surely die.
If i could turn back time, i wont miss a single war, i wont miss a single line in clanchat, for all we know whatever we have now is just sumthing fate lends us for a day and will be gone tomorrow. if only its possible, then .. Rewind pls..

Missing Julie

Its July, i can never think of anyone else when i hear this month but only one name :Julie. My bestfriend Juliza whom i lost contact with for a long time now, I miss her so much. i hope we get to catch up with whats hot and not with our lives. Julie wherever you are contact me, you know how, i mishhh u like hell..

Hey advance Happy Bday :D (july 8th) ... <3

Finally Bux.To !

Yesterday, i received my payment confirmation from Bux.To finally clicking paid off, nows the beginning, wut is Bux.To btw? Bux.To is an online Program where in you get paid for clicking and viewing their sponsored ads. Its not spamming because it does not go to your email's inbox, rather, you need to visit their website, create an account and click it from there.. A normal ad cost 1 cent per view, a free account can enjoy an average of 10-13 ads per day, premium accounts have more, and rates vary too!

to get paid like me click teh link below to register : >> Bux.To

Now I Know

how it feels when ...

.. you whisper i love's to yourself cause u cant tell him
.. you smile at him even if you're in pain
.. you wanna go away and yet u feel like dying missing him
.. you love and not get the same kind of affection in return
.. you exist in him only as an online character, not a real girl
.. you want to be with him but you cant
simply bec he doesn't love you
.. you have to move on, let go, even if u never had him at all

.. its more painful than loosing someone you previously own..

Now I Know ... :[

Dear Heart

Dear Heart ..

Its been so long since we had a conversation without fighting at all. I guess theres no more need for me to tell you how much i miss talking to you.. and you talking back to me.. agreeing.. or Following.

What now dear heart?

Do i need to remind you of the things that i witness? Well, Maybe i do..

We were born the same day. The moment u started to beat was the moment i started to live. When we were younger, you were tough, but no more than though you are you remain to follow me and everything i said, you ackowledge that even we are the same in influence, i am at the top, therefore i rule over you. I have guided you for so many times and i prevented you to be hurt or be broken by anyone..It is my conscience that pulls you always to be right, to be smart and to be the girl that everyone wants.

As we grow older, ive witness that you are starting to keep secrets from me, when infact you cant but you still do..Do you remember that boy you kept for so long till highschool? you've always believed that he is the most ideal person to deserve you, when i know for sure he does not even love you, not even like you,Yeah even if he don't know he broke you into pieces you remain to be inlove with him..and whenever you feel dissapointed at some guy, to save yourself from breaking again, you come back loving him..You are a fool dear heart.

At college you fell inlove with your bestfriend, i guess that when you experienced everything firsthand, well i have to admit that i thought he was really the one for you. You were very happy, so even if i know that he is less than you can deserve, i agreed with you that time, i know there are a few flaws and time can change that. Then again it was a big mistake that you loved too much you even forget what im saying. You sinned so much and left me out, you shut me and pretended that i dont exist..You were cruel but then again, how can i not understand you, you were in love.

When he's starting to stray i told you that he stopped loving you already, but you kept hanging on to him, you loved him even more in the belief that you can win him back. When he's struggling to get out you locked him in, when im shouting at you the truth, you remain in denial, you remain in pain when you have the option to be free, you very well know that i cant do anything for you if you wont follow me, i was helpless seeing you bleed completely i cant do nothing but watch you cry all night and hear your prayers that i know even God wont answer. I was so tired of reminding you to hear me.. then you started to decide by yourself, something you know isn't right, but u still do, i have always been above you, but at some point, you made me feel worthless.

When he told you the ultimatum, i know how desperate you felt trying to change everything, but you are not God, and amongst all hearts in this world, youre not the only one hurting. So you are left with nothing, I guess i have to thank time and coincidence, or God if he truly exist, you've been forced to make a choice for yourself that swinging for your own benefit. To go..

Shall i state the obvious once more? Well you remained stubborn, this time you loved someone you can't even own, Ive been keeping you awake all night to realize the sin you are about to make, and to realize the kind of life you wanted that seems impossible with him, You denied my opinions so many times i was about to give up, But im happy in the end you chose to follow , if not mine, then everyone's say about you having him, or him having you as another woman. I can't rest my thoughts in the truth that you can break a family just to get what you want. Was it really love? or Just a desperation to be loved and belong after your failed long time relationship? Anyway, fate butted in, you learned it by yourself without my help and Now Im glad you are out of it.

What now dear heart? I know you felt alone and i know you are beginning to like someone we dont even know yet, but can you take a broken heart before love? can you risk the truth and remain loyal after? you have always been very loving at some point its already irrational, how can you love someone you dont know in real life? how can you be so stupid dear heart?
You've been keeping me silenced for so many times already, but now i cant help but let it all out, I can sense that you will be hurt again if you dont stop, that you will cry again if you wont allow me to help you. Illusions can only be real if you're the only one looking at it, at my point illusions remain illusions until time or actions make it real. You Love too much and i know you have always want everything to be true, you don't live in fancy, thats one thing i like about you.

Dear Heart, time will come that one great love will find you, there will be no senses needed to tell you its the right one bec we will know, both of us, not just me, and definitely not just you. By that time i can prove you, im not here to contradict you like you always believe i am.

I hope by now, you learn that i can't neglect you completely, for when you cry, i loose myself, when you break, i die.I have always wanted you to be happy, but happiness isn't all there is you can deserve. There's so much in this world that could make you or break you, luck , love, success or failures. They come and go as they please and when you allow them to beat you like hell then they would. When you are at your weakest please realize that my voice will pull you through, i may not be able to mend you but i will give you the best decisions to help you stand and live the life you are meant to have. I can't live without you, please realize the same goes for you.

When we are all in one body, How can i not care ?

Thoughful Mind